This blog is slow when I'm not in training mode, isn't it?
It turns out September was inadvertently something of a rest month. Between tapering for the tri, taking the next week easy, then letting myself be distracted by lousy weather and busy mornings, I didn't run or bike very much, and I haven't swum since the tri.

I'm back on track again, because I don't want to hibernate too much this winter. In a couple of weeks I'm going to be looking for a swim coach to actually get some breathing while swimming lessons. Meanwhile I'm really enjoying the running, and managing to get in one or two rides a week. I've been riding on Friday mornings with Amanda, who recently got a fancy new carbon fiber bike. I have to work really hard to keep up with her on that thing, which makes the ride more interesting!

Running speed

Just a quickie before I'm out the door for my long run of the week. I was just looking at my summer training logs. I am still a S L O W runner but it turns out I have actually sped up as I've increased my distance - just like absolutely everyone says you will! Two months ago my average pace was 12 min, 20 sec/mile (see? slow), in August my average was a full minute faster, 11 min, 37 sec. Sure it's still slow, but if I can actually shave off a minute/month, I'll be at a 7 min mile by February. Even if the rate of increase slows considerably, my winter training "plan" such as it is should have me noticeably faster come spring. Cool!

Do we ever think we're good enough?

I bumped into a friend during my morning run yesterday. We went to law school together and our daughters are in the same grade. We ran together for a short while then I headed home while she did another lap around the pond. She's faster than me so we both had to adjust our pace a bit to run together.

She told me that she runs 5 days a week, for about 45 minutes each time. I told her that I was impressed. I didn't mention that I was also intimidated by her running, but I suspect my tone gave me away. Her response? In an ashamed tone she said "but that's all I do. I don't bike, or swim, like you. "

Here we were, two busy women, lives full of work and kid responsibilities, still making time to stay (get) in shape. Instead of being proud of what we do, we each think the other is doing more, doing a better job, and we each discount what we do as not enough.

I am trying, really trying, to stop doing that. To stop judging my own efforts and accomplishments as not good enough. Trying to quiet the voice inside me that dismisses my efforts because it thinks that if I can do it it's clearly not hard enough to count.

What I don't know is, with what do I replace that voice? I think my self-criticism is part of how I keep pushing myself further. I find it hard to believe that pride and satisfaction is enough. I'd like to find out though.

Sprint Triathlon Race Report

Here it is, several days later, and I'm still high from this race. After I post this I'm going out for a run - I'm missing having a training goal but looking forward to seeing how it goes.

***

I’m a morning person, but getting up before 5 on a cold grey day is a challenge even for me. Nevertheless, we got up and managed to get going in time to get to the race site by 6:30. Everyone recommended arriving early so you can get a good spot in transition. It turns out I probably didn’t need to be that early, but given my pre-race nerves I don’t think I could have let myself arrive any later.

After getting my race packet (swim cap, timing chip, and race numbers), I found a volunteer to mark me. Getting my number marked on my arms and leg, and my age on my calf, made it all feel real. It was fascinating watching women getting ready and looking at their ages. In a few cases, I was wildly inaccurate in my estimation of a woman’s age. One woman who I would have pegged at 32, based on her physical appearance, was marked with a number 47. Her face did actually look her age, but she was incredibly strong, and held herself like someone much younger. They grouped the older Newbie wave together in the transition area, so I was surrounded by other women my age. Many of them had clearly remained in good physical condition all along, but many more looked like me: women who had woken up sometime in their 30s or 40s or even 50s and decided they were going to get in shape. In terms of strength and fitness, I looked like I was right in the middle of the group, which is what I had expected.

Setting up transition was easy and then I had lots and lots of time to wait. I had a banana, people watched, and talked and talked again about my strategy and expectations for the race. Everyone was incredibly friendly and interested in talking triathlon.

Eventually it was nearing 8:00, and the race directors gathered us together for a short talk then we walked, in our waves, to the start area of the swim. The older Newbies were the last wave, so we had to wait about half an hour before our start time. Every five minutes a wave would get into the water and start out. We clapped and cheered for each wave. Then I’d watch the swimmers, trying to figure out what it would be like when I got in the water. The really good swimmers were amazing. They shot out, so much faster than I can swim that it didn’t feel like the same sport. But in every wave I saw women doing the breast stroke, the back stroke, even holding onto the kayaks for support. I knew I could do the distance, I just didn’t have any clue how long it would take and how tired it would make me under race conditions.

By the time I got into the water, my toes were freezing. The water was warmer than the air, thankfully. Once we were all loosely gathered, they started the countdown, the bullhorn went off, and we were off. I completely forgot the advice to wait a few seconds before starting, and took off with the great mass of swimmers. It turned out not to matter, because the fast ones pulled ahead immediately, leaving me toward the back of the middle of the pack, right where I expected to be. I had planned to do as much crawl as I could do, and do the rest breast stroke. That wasn’t actually how it turned out. I did a little crawl, but as soon as I needed to breathe, I breathed in some lake water, coughed, and switched to breaststroke. I could not get my stroke right. My rhythm was completely off, and I was going far slower than in practice. At the same time I was breathing hard, and my heart rate was up. I switched to sidestroke, and found that I could control my breathing better and actually went faster than I could go with my out of rhythm breaststroke. Meanwhile, I was trying to figure out how to avoid people’s hands and legs, and periodically choking on unexpected waves. I did my best to stay to the outside of the crowd, which worked pretty well except when swimmers cut across the pack to go hang on a kayak, or swam across my path unexpectedly. I spent most of my time doing sidestroke, with a few attempts to use crawl to speed up, and breaststroke to see if I could find my rhythm (I never could). I wasn’t so much tiring myself out, as just feeling like it was taking forever and I was getting nowhere. It turns out that it was only 13 minutes, not forever. At last I saw the last buoy and the chute that headed toward the shore. When it got too shallow to swim I stood up and started walking out of the water. As soon as I hit shore, I started jogging toward the transition area.

I thought my first transition went well, but it turns out it took 2:43. I can make that faster with practice. I could have run faster from the swim, and I was pretty deliberate about getting myself ready to make sure I didn’t miss anything. I put on my helmet first, as everyone recommends, then pulled on my socks and bike shoes. Next time I’m going to bike sockless, especially if it’s a grey day. It’s really hard putting socks on wet feet, and my feet never did dry all the way. If I had gone sockless until the run they probably would have dried in the shoes and the run would have been a little more comfortable. Once I was set I ran my bike to the mounting area. I had good hustle getting out of T1. My competitive juices were up now that I had conquered the swim, and I couldn’t understand why so many women were walking their bikes.

As soon as I got on my bike, I took off fast. The course starts on a slight uphill, and a lot of riders were taking it slowly. I didn't. I pushed hard, as soon as I was pedaling. I was starting out tired but pumped up, and raced up that first hill, then went as fast as I could down the other side to the park exit. After leaving the park, the course has a fairly steep and long uphill section. I was mashing up the hill fast, passing lots of riders, including one woman who had been walking the hill and was getting back on her bike as I passed. I told her that this was the worst climb of the course, and responded “really? I love you!” Of course, worst climb does not mean only climb. The course is a typical New England ride – none of it is truly flat. But compared to my 10 mile commute, the hills were nothing. It is a beautiful course, although I barely saw it. I was deeply in my head, biking fast and aggressively, taking the down hills fast and hardly slowing on the ups. For part of the course I was trading places with two other women, both marked with 44 on their calves. It was fun to compete against them, and probably helped me keep my speed up.

As we came back into the park, we were biking past people doing their run. The last leg of the bike course is a long slow uphill. Even though I still felt great and was doing fine on the hill, it was a little intimidating to realize that I was about to get off the bike and start running. I shook off the fear, and focused on ending fast on the bike.

At the end of the bike course you have to dismount and walk or run your bike back to the transition area. Once again, I ran through this part, so pumped I barely noticed Dusty waving at me, or any of the other people around me. I really needed to pee, so I took the time to do so after getting on my running shoes. Even with the port-a-potty break I only took 2:03 for T2. Then out I went for the run.

Every warning is right. When I first started running, my legs felt weird. Not tired exactly, just tight and wrong. Someone on the sidelines cheered me on, and promised that my muscles would loosen up soon. Even though I’d heard that before, it felt good to hear it when I needed it.

I was running next to a couple of other women, and noted to them that I couldn’t figure out what pace I should be doing. I couldn’t tell if I was tired or not, or how long I had until my legs gave up. Another woman running fast past us told me that I’d find my rhythm soon. She was right. I couldn’t tell at all whether I was running fast or slow, but I found a good pace, that I felt I could keep up for a while. There were water stops at miles 1 and 2, and at each one I walked just long enough to drink a Dixie cup of water. I can’t run and drink at the same time, at least not without hurling. Other than that, I ran the whole thing, at a very steady pace. The run course snaked through the park, and eventually headed back toward the start area. When I could see the end, and there seemed to be about half a mile left, I noted to the woman running with me at the time that according to my race strategy, this was where I was supposed to kick it up for the last bit. As she started to laugh I did too, and said my hope now was to keep myself from slowing to a walk. It turned out that although I couldn’t actually speed up until the last hundred yards, I didn’t need to slow down any either. As I got to the very end, I kicked it up a little, and hurled myself through the ending arch.

That felt so good! The time clock said 2:03, and I knew it was tracking time since the first wave took off, so although I had no idea of my actual time, I knew it had to be under two hours. I had been hesitant to set a real time goal for myself because I didn’t know how to judge how I’d do in race conditions.

My expectation had been that I’d finish at the back of the middle of the pack, and my hope was that I’d do a little better than that. I did far better than that. My overall time was 1:27:53. My finishing rank was 252 out of 611 finishers, or just out of the top third. I also managed to PR in the run portion - my 5K time was my fastest ever by several minutes.

The entire race was incredibly fun. I loved hustling through the transitions, racing up and down the hills on my bike, realizing that I could in fact run even after doing everything else. I can't wait for the next one!

Results are in!

Unbelievable!  There were 750 racers. 238 in the Newbie group I was racing in.  My total time was 1:27:53. 

My swim was 13:15 (rank 405/750 which puts me right where I expected to be, at the top of the back of the pack (BOP)).

T1 was 2:43 - I thought I was faster than that, but easy enough to work on speeding that up.

My ride time was 38:14 (rank 111/750!!!).  I knew I'd killed the ride.  

T2 was 2:03, even with a port-a-potty stop.

Run time 31:39 (rank 369/750).  That's my fastest 5K ever!  

I did it!!!!

That felt FANTASTIC! I'll write a long race report later, but I wanted to mark this feeling while I'm still sort of high from the race. The swim was about how I expected. I did okay, and now I need to get better. I killed the bike course - I think I managed an 18 mph average. The run was also pretty good. Not super fast, but I was steady and strong all the way through. Transitions went well, too.

Most of all, I loved doing it. I loved running out with my bike, zipping through the crowd and making up the time I'd lost on the swim, hustling through the T2 to get out on the run, and feeling my legs loosen up over the first mile. I can't wait to do another one!

Tomorrow is it!

I am surprised that I'm not nervous yet. It mostly doesn't seem real to me at this point. I've just laid out my transition area stuff, and I'm about to go for a short warm up run,* so it's not that I'm in denial. It's possible that I'm simply feeling ready, or maybe in a couple of hours I'll freak out completely and not be able to get any sleep tonight.

This morning Dusty and I did a slow easy ten mile bike ride. It was a gorgeous day for a ride and a large part of me wanted to speed up and keep going for a couple of hours. Tomorrow's also going to be gorgeous, so hopefully I'll feel equally eager to get out there and go. In any case, I've got my race strategy set, and I've done all the training I can for now. As long as I can sleep tonight I should be all set...

* The theory being that you go for a short run the day before, to get the inevitable bad run out of your system before the race itself.

T minus 3 days!

I love tapering and carb loading. That is all. :-)

Faster run

I was recently fretting because I was afraid I wasn't really improving, that without an organized training plan, I was just exercising with no focused path toward increased speed and distance. I tried to convince myself that in fact I was doing fine just following what my body wanted to do, increasing when I had the time and the ability. But a part of me continued (continues, to be honest) to be critical of my training. A part of me is convinced that I'm not doing it right, that I'm not really working hard enough at this, that I'm not a "real" triathlete in training or I'd be doing x, y, or z.

I'm not going to keep arguing with that part of myself, as long as it doesn't stop me from training. I will, however, note the following... Last week was my longest run week since I started training. I ran 19.5 miles, much of it over the new longer run I've been trying to turn into my standard run. Then two days ago when I entered my taper week, I did my oldest standard run, which is just under 3 miles. Ohmygod fast! I cut nearly two minutes/mile off my time. I completed the entire run in 30 minutes. I felt strong and fast, and like I could have kept going, and kept up that pace.

We will ignore the fact that this morning my run went like this: okay, time to get dressed and do the same run. well, maybe I'll just do two miles. Halfway down our block: this hurts, I'm going to go sit on the couch and post to my blog instead of running. After all, I'm supposed to be tapering, aren't I? Is there a difference between tapering and sitting on the couch? I hope not...

Another goal?

Yesterday we went to a wonderful barbecue to celebrate the marriage of our friends Rob and Amy. Rob and Amy run marathons. Rob has achieved 10 states toward his goal of running a marathon in every state. They met through a local running club. Not surprisingly, there were many runners there, mostly distance runners. We drank PBR, talked about goals, and everyone made a mad dash for the burgers when they were ready (and everyone agreed that we run/bike/whatever so we can eat).

It's funny how your perspective changes when you start making goals, and when you hang out with people whose idea of fun is endurance events. Rob invited Dusty to join him in October for his New Hampshire marathon. I said I might come cheer them on. Without missing a beat, Rob suggested I join them, and run the half-marathon. Some combination of the beer, the conversations I'd been having all day, and how I've been feeling about my running lately made me surprise myself by saying yes!

Actually, at first I laughed and pointed out that my new goal for my standard running distance is 4.5 miles. Rob shrugged and said that if I can run 4.5 miles, I can do a half-marathon. He knows what he's talking about when it comes to distance running, and he's not someone to talk a friend into an impossible goal. The more I think about it, the more it seems like a good post-triathlon goal. If I have to walk some of it, that's okay. It turns out that the date of the New Hampshire marathon is not good for me, but I'm on the search for another fall half-marathon. It looks like I've got my next goal all set.

I was having a morning where I was feeling really critical of my training method. It wasn’t so much an objective evaluation of my progress, but I was fretting because I haven’t been following an official training plan, and haven’t been doing an organized ramp up of my training. I’ve increased the miles I’m running, but it’s been inconsistent, dependent more upon the events of the week than my training needs. My biking is all over the place – I’m not worried about the biking portion of this triathlon, so I bike when I can, and don’t worry about it when I can’t. This means that my biking miles vary between 7 miles/week (a serious low point) and 166 miles the week we did Cape in a Day. I’m averaging something like 18 miles/week which is too low for me to consider it training. It’s not even maintenance level. Swimming has also been inconsistent. I try to get in a swim each week, and I swam a ton when we were on vacation, but I haven’t been organized or focused.

So this morning I was thinking about this inconsistency and lack of structure, and I began to be hypercritical of myself. After all, I was supposed to take this seriously. I was supposed to experience what it feels like to push myself physically. If I had only created a plan and stuck to it, I’d be much further ahead in my training. I’d perform better on September 12, I’d be in better shape now, yadda yadda. We all know this emotional drill, don’t we?

I was telling Dusty all about these thoughts while we ran together this morning. While we did a 4.5 mile run that, a few weeks ago, we did as a run/walk, with far more walking than running. He tried every possible argument to get me to get over myself. He pointed out that I’m 44 and started getting in shape at 40, and therefore need to go slowly and expect it to take time to whip myself into racing shape. He reminded me that I don’t want to have a catastrophic accident or a heart attack, both of which are possibilities if I push myself too hard. He pointed out that I’m doing great and am in the best shape of my life. He argued that most women my age are not picking up triathlon training as a new hobby, and I should feel proud of myself. None of this was working particularly well. Then he reminded me that one year ago, he and I did a three day bike ride from Boston to New Paltz, NY. The longest day was a hair under a century, and it nearly killed me. I had a great time on the ride, but it was well out of my comfort zone, and I walked all the tough hills. Since then I’ve done the ALC (7 days/560 miles) and Cape in a Day (140 miles in a day, and a stupidly hot day at that), and I’m physically ready enough for my tri that I know I’m going to finish it. If we did the New Paltz ride again, we’d do it in two days instead of three, and I wouldn’t blink at the hills we had to climb. That discussion was what I needed. Comparing where I was one year ago, and where I am now is such a good benchmark. I didn’t do much training at all during the intervening winter, and I am still in substantially better shape now than I was then. This winter I have every intention of continuing to run, and will be looking for swimming opportunities. I will make a realistic plan so I don’t lose too much ground during hibernation, and I’ll come out next spring with goals in mind, and the knowledge that I can reach them. I don’t know if I’ll make the same huge leap forward in the next year that I made this one, but I know I’m still moving forward. Hell, I’m still moving my goal post. I haven’t found my end goal yet (if there is such a thing).

Also, I may not be very organized, but I have definitely made running progress. When I got back from the ALC and started training, my “regular” run (which I did not do regularly) was slightly under 3 miles, and I found it hard. My summer regular run is not quite 4 miles, and much hillier than the old one. I think it’s time to make this morning’s run my new “regular” run, and turn the old one into my easy day. Six months ago, I ran sometimes because it’s a good way to stay in shape, but I didn’t like it and wasn’t very good at it. If you had told me then that I would be going into the fall intending to run 18 miles/week every week, I wouldn’t have believed I could get there.

catching up

I have fallen behind on my training blog, but not on my training! I have so much I want to write about, but very little time to get it all down.
This past week I biked to Mystic Lake and did a 666 yard swim with Amanda (we then biked home - the bike ride was going to be longer but we were too hungry!), I did my first bike/run brick, complete with wind sprints on the bike, and I took part in an incredibly illuminating beginner swim clinic with 100 other triathlon newbies.

I also got depressed and down on myself that I'm not further along in my training (I should be increasing my distance and speed on the run! I'm not running enough! I'm going to be further back in the standings than I should be because I'm not training hard enough), and then managed to get over it, at least a little bit. I have a freaking lot of training to do before I can start worrying whether I should be faster stronger better. I'm a lousy, slow swimmer, but I was not at the absolute back of the group last night. Given where I started, and how much time I actually have for training, I'm right where I should be. Which is at the very end of the middle of the pack or the very front of the back of the pack. :-)

What I really need to do is get over myself, accept that this is where I am right now, and go train some more.

My training has continued to be inconsistent, but heading in the right direction. Because of the girls' camp schedules, I've had to drive to work every day, which badly cuts into my available biking time. I have been able to run a decent amount. I am up to about 17 miles/week on a consistent basis, and believe I can increase that to 20 without too much pain. My standard run is slightly under 4 miles, but very very hilly. I think it's time to increase it to slightly over 4 miles, and see what happens.

The opportunity to swim regularly while on vacation was fantastic. Last night Amanda and I biked to a nearby lake and did a 662 yard swim, then biked home. I definitely could have gone further than that if she had wanted to keep going.* I was slow, but not ridiculously so. I do need to learn freestyle if I'm going to keep competing, but for this first one, the breast stroke will get me where I want to be just fine.

*I still have the same damn problem with psyching myself out at the end. I wasn't wiped out, but as we got near shore, my stroke started falling apart, I did some back stroke and some side stroke, and I generally stopped doing a good job on the swim. I do the same thing at the end of my runs. Once I can see the end point, I lose energy and motivation. It wasn't simply tiredness: if the swim had been 800 yards, I would have run out of steam at the same point on the way back to shore. When I should be pushing myself to pour on the last of my energy, instead I decide emotionally that I'm done, and lose my energy.

Sharing the prize

The World Triathlon Corporation has recently instituted a new rule, requiring that finishers cross the line with a time within 8% of the winner's time or they don't get prize money.

In two recent half Ironman races, the winning women hung out near the finish line, delaying their win, to make it easier for the next few women to satisfy the 8% rule. (Williamson Sat at Steelhead Finish Line to Help Other Pros Julie Dibens waits for 5 minutes before crossing finish line and winning Ironman 70.3 Boulder)

I think that's fantastic. (I also think it's something male athletes would be less likely to do.) It hurts their time, and presumably could hurt their career stats and therefore their earnings/endorsement potential, but they have done it anyway, because it's the right thing to do. These are the kind of athletes I'd like to see the girls emulate.

Training stats

The last time I blogged my weekly training stats was July 10. I haven't been slacking (too much) on training, just on tracking it here. The sad thing is, as I feared, the long ride threw me off for the entire next week. My biking was down to 26 miles, I only ran 9.8. miles, and I skipped swimming altogether. Once again, the experts are right - overtraining is a mistake.

The week of July 25 is looking better. 33.50 miles biking, 11.19 miles running so far. I'm about to go for a run, and tomorrow Dusty and I are going for a long bike ride, so this week will look pretty solid.

Next week we are on vacation. I'm not bringing my bike, so I plan to focus on running and swimming. We're renting a house on a lake and I'm going to work on my breast stroke every day. I'm also going to increase my miles. I should be running at least 16 miles/week at this point, instead of hovering around 13.5.

Swimming

I've decided I'm going to focus on my breast stroke for the September tri. Sure freestyle is faster, but I've got too far to go and not enough time. There's no way I can get my breathing in good enough shape to have time to work on my stroke and my endurance. My breast stroke is decent enough that I can actually start doing laps and building up my distance.

Last night I had a fantastically optimistic dream. I was practicing the breast stroke in a slow moving river, heading downstream. It felt lovely, like I could swim forever, gliding through the water, letting the current help me.

Saturday's ride to the Cape was the hardest, fastest, longest ride I've done. It was also 94 degrees and humid. We biked more than 140 miles that day, with very few rest stops. I'm incredibly proud of myself for completing it, but it was really hard, and much of the riding was not particularly pretty or fun. It was also just on the edge of what I'm actually capable of doing. Part of my motive in training for a tri is to start pushing myself to that edge, to learn where it is and what it feels like to reach it. It turns out that the reality of reaching that point is pretty unpleasant.

On the other hand, it felt really good to push that hard, and to succeed. Even if I couldn't eat dinner because I was so overheated and exhausted, and even if I did break down in tears on the way home (and nearly cried once or twice in the middle of the ride, too). I also improved my riding again. I was pushing like hell to keep up with our riding companions Dena and Susan, and that meant that I had to push on the downhill stretches since no matter how hard I pushed on the ups, I wasn't going to keep up with them there. Usually I tend to ride my brakes and coast far more than I should. I get nervous when I get up any decent speed on a downhill. No matter how many times someone has told me to trust my bike, I can't do it unless I'm really familiar with the hill. But on Saturday, I just let myself do it, without holding back. It felt fantastic when I got it right - when I kept up my pedaling until I couldn't pedal any more, and then let gravity do its work, trusting that KP was gripping the road and wasn't going to fall over.

What really felt great, though, was riding to work this morning and doing the same thing. My commute is really hilly. The uphills slow me down a lot, and I usually can't make up for it on the flats and downhills, because I don't push enough. Today I did. Instead of slowing down before the steepest part of the downhills, I kept pedaling. I felt great, and I cut five minutes off my commute time!

I also managed to put into practice something Dusty recently told me about cornering. He said that if I can't get myself to keep pedaling, I should at least make sure that the inside pedal is up, so it doesn't scrape against the ground (not that that is going to happen at my typical slow cornering speed). Today every time I cornered I'd correct my pedals, and more often than not, realize that continuing to pedal truly did feel more stable than braking.

I've been riding now for three or four years, and most of my progress has been slow and steady. But every once in awhile I make a leap forward. Last year when I stopped riding for the winter I still mostly hated hill climbing, and avoided it when possible. When I started riding again this spring, something had changed and I started to enjoy the hills. After the ALC, I figured out how to use my gears more efficiently (that would have been so useful to have figured out before the ALC, sadly). After the Cape in a Day ride, I put together the things people have been saying to me about how to let myself go downhill faster, how to trust my bike and use its strengths. I need to get a new battery for my bike computer, because I bet that I just got noticeably faster once again.

Yesterday's ride home was awful. We're in the middle of a second week
of hot humid weather and you start sweating the moment you step
outside. Even when it's not nearly 90 degrees it feels unbearably hot
because the humidity is so high. I'm at my physical low point at 5 pm
under normal circumstances, and the weather just makes it worse. Plus
the headwind on the first half of the ride was so strong that I was
fighting to make any forward progress even on the down hills. So
riding home yesterday was hot, unpleasant, and exhausting.

About three miles from home you climb one of the two steepest hills on
the route, then there's a mile and a half of hills and false flat
sections. By the time I got to the end of the false flat I was done
in. My legs were still turning, but barely. I was in my granny gear,
pedaling just enough to stay upright. I tiredly lifted my head, and
saw a cyclist coming toward me on the other side of the road.
Remember, I was on a false flat, so this guy was going down a subtle
decline, with a tailwind. He was doing the kind of riding that makes
you feel invincible, as long as you forget how much help you're
getting from gravity and the wind. He was on a Cervelo, using his
aerobars, with an aero helmet and full racing kit. I was on my
commuter, carrying my heavy bike bag, going uphill at the end of a
long day and a long, awful ride. And despite knowing all that,
despite knowing that he didn't know me and didn't care how I was
riding, despite my tiredness, despite the heat, despite the reality of
the situation, I sped up. Not very fast, and not for very long. But
I couldn't help it. I saw him, and my legs started pumping faster and
harder. I just couldn't stand letting him see me look completely done
in by a small incline. It was ridiculous.

If anyone ever hears me claim I'm not competetive, please feel free to
laugh in my face.

Training totals week 3

Swim: approx. 480 yds, about 45 minutes

Bike: 40 miles

Run: 13.5 miles

I clearly need to up my biking, and I need to add a second day of swimming by the end of the month. My running is not bad -- I want to be averaging 16 miles/week by the end of August and I'm easily on track for that. Next Saturday we're biking to the Cape, so I'll have 150 miles in one day. I don't think I can really count that as "training miles" though!

It's been hot and humid all week, and I've been avoiding exercising as much as I can while still getting some training in. It's so easy to justify driving to work when it's going to be in the 90s on my way home. I've found that keeping a training log helps me stay honest with myself. I can look at my weekly totals and check whether I'm doing enough to keep on track despite the weather. Or at least enough to feel okay about slacking!

For most people, the advice to write it down is old news. But I've never done that. I wasn't one to set solid goals and stick to them. I didn't understand the allure of making life lists, or setting training goals. Instead, I'd do what I wanted, what felt right, as long as it was convenient. I'd increase my exercise during a week of good weather and few commitments, and then a week later, there'd be some unusual demands on my time from the girls' school, or it would rain all week, and I'd realize at the end of the week that I had only run once, and hadn't gotten on my bike at all. I even trained for the AIDS LifeCycle ride that way. I'd get nervous about the length of the ride (545 miles over 7 days), go for a long weekend training ride, ride to work on Monday, and then decide I needed the car on Tuesday because there were errands I had to run, and I wouldn't look at my bike again until the weekend.

I felt bad about this training method at first, but I also felt that it made sense. I was trying to fit my training into my family's existing life. My family is important to me, and I want to prioritize the girls and their needs while they're young enough to still want me around. I didn't want to be ducking out on family activities because I had to get my miles in. There is something to be said for that attitude (and I said it repeatedly, while trying eagerly to convince myself that my haphazard method was going to be sufficient training for the ALC!), but it won't knock you into shape.

The ALC changed me. I learned a lot about my physical abilities on the ride, and a lot more about how much I have held back from pushing myself. I had a great ride, but I could have been stronger and had an even better ride if I had stuck to a real training plan. If I had been willing to ride even though it was hot, or I had to get up half an hour earlier, or had to run in the evening when I'm tired. But it's not just the awareness that I let myself slack that's pushing me this time. It's also realizing that if I want to do this, I have to hold myself accountable. That means I need to set goals and stick to the training to meet them. It also means that on a week like this, I have to not only keep tracking my training, but I have to find ways to get around the heat, or I have to push through anyway.

Training totals week 2

Training Week 2 - 6/27 - 7/3

swim: 1 hour

bike: 56 miles/4 hours

run: 10.4 miles/2 hrs

Total time spent: 7 hours

That was somewhat better than the first week. I've also set some goals that seem realistic. By the end of the month I want to be running 12 miles/week, biking 100 (not sure if that's going to happen consistently), and swimming twice/week.

Swimming lesson

Last night I met Alison for our second swimming lesson. I really have learned some stuff! The first couple of lengths I felt like I was largely getting it - breathing decently, raising my elbows, keeping my abs tight, not kicking too much. Toward the end of the second length I was already tiring a lot, and could feel my form falling apart. This also means that I started screwing up my breathing.

Alison gave me more pointers, most of which were helpful, but it started feeling like too much to try at once. Toward the middle of our hour in the pool I just felt frustrated and tired and uncoordinated. Eventually I gave up on trying to do everything properly. I rested for a bit, and tried another lap, just to see what I could do. Again, the first length was pretty good, the beginning of the second length was okay, and then I was tired and it all fell apart.

I think at this point I need to practice practice practice. I need to be stronger in the water, obviously, and I need to work on my technique at the same time. I need more time in the water.

Training week 1

I’m planning to do the Buzzard’s Bay spring triathlon. It’s 1/3 mile swim, 14.7 mile bike, 3.1 mile run. 14.7 miles is not a long distance for me, but my time is slow. Wednesday night I rode from my house to the end of the bike path and back, which is a 15 mile trip. It took me 65 minutes, which is something like a 14 mph page. I wasn’t trying for speed, but I also wasn’t dawdling. Cycling is my strongest area, so my goal will be to get much faster. Running? I can run a 5K, but it’s still work. I haven’t been running with any regularity, because I’ve been focusing on cycling. I figure if I get my running miles up, both by running more regularly and by running longer distances, I should be good for the run. Swimming? Hah! I don’t swim. As a kid I took swimming classes every summer, and we lived on a lake, but I was never very good. I don’t think I ever got out of the advanced beginner class. I don’t like putting my face in the water, I could never get the breathing right, my strokes were weak and uncoordinated. As an adult I’ve never really tried to swim. I splash around with my daughter (who doesn’t swim), and enjoy the water but that’s it.

I consider last week my first official week of training, because last Thursday I met my triathlon guru AK for a swimming lesson. We spent an hour in the pool and she really helped. She worked with me on breathing and strokes and how to kick. I really felt it the next day. I’ve got a lot to learn, but I think I can get there. At least well enough to get through the swim. I can worry about my swim time for the next tri.

I think part of what I have going for me is my stubbornness. When Dusty is feeling good about me he calls it grit. (When he’s irritated, it’s my damn stubbornness.) Swimming was tiring, and it’s a lot to put together, but I pushed through for the hour. Then the next day when I took the girls to the res to swim, I spent a little time practicing again. My breaststroke isn’t terrible, so if I can get my free stroke even halfway decent, and get my breaststroke stronger, I should be
able to push through the swim portion. Right? suuure.

Training week one, starting on June 21: 1 hour swimming (I’m not going to track distance until I can actually swim!); 18.52 miles biking (not good, that was just one ride to work), 11.28 miles
running. Total time spent: about 5 hours. Not a really inspiring first week. On the other hand, one of my biggest challenges is going to be finding or making the time to go. Life happens, and it’s always been my way to let other things, particularly the girls, distract me. One of my goals is to learn how to keep myself focused on a personal goal.

Starting out

Four years ago, when I turned 40, my primary exercise was walking ¾ mile to my 4 year old’s preschool. I had made various exercise attempts over the years, some more successful than others, but I never stuck with any of them very long. Shortly after my birthday I hemorrhaged and nearly died. While recovering, I started to run. A year later, I bought a bike and started biking to work. I’m now training for my first triathlon: September 26, 2010.

I love biking, have a love-hate relationship with running (sometimes I get into a rhythm and love it, most of the time I consider running a necessary evil), and don’t know how to swim, despite growing up on a lake. I’m 44, and in the best shape of my life, but not nearly in the shape I’d like. I’m on my way there now. I’m thinking of this as a training blog, not just my miles, but what I’m thinking about and how my training and the rest of my life are intersecting.

My daughter and stepdaughter think of me as a strong, fit woman. They have no memory of a time when I didn't regularly exercise. I like their image of me, and want to keep matching it, growing as they do.